• "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
  • "If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - Bill Gates
  • "I believe OS/2 is destined to be the most important operating system, and possible program, of all time." - Bill Gates, 1987
  • "OS/2 is destined to be a very important piece of software. During the next 10 years, millions of programmers and users will utilize this system." Bill Gates, 1988
  • "In fact, I don't think 7-11s even take coupons. I should check that out..." - Bill Gates, 1992
  • "While we liked developing Windows applications, we never inhaled."
    - Philippe Kahn, 1992
  • "New GUIs from IBM and NeXT make Windows look old hat."
    - Datamation, 1992
  • " Why are manhole covers round? How many gas stations are there in the U.S.?" - Interview questions asked by Microsoft, 1992

WindowError:001 Windows loaded. System in danger.
WindowError:002 No error . . . yet.
WindowError:003 Dynamic linking error.Your mistake is now in every file.
WindowError:004 Erronious error. Nothing wrong.
WindowError:005 Multitasking attempted. System confused.
WindowError:006 Malicious error. Desqview found on drive.
WindowError:007 System price error. Inadequate money spent.
WindowError:008 Broken window. Watch for glass fragments.
WindowError:009 Horrible bug encounterd. God knows what has happened.
WindowError:00A Promotional literature overflow. Mailbox full.
WindowError:00B Inadequate disk space. Need 50 meg minimum.
WindowError:00C Memory hog error. More ram needed. More! More!
WindowError:00D Window closed. Do not look out.
WindowError:00E Window open, do not look in.
WindowError:00F Unexplained error. Please tell us how it happened.
WindowError:010 Reserved for future mistakes
WindowError:014 Nonexistent error. This cannot really be happening.
WindowError:015 Unable to exit windows. Try the door.
WindowError:016 Door locked. Try control-alt-delete
WindowError:017 Keyboard locked. Try anything you can think of.
WindowError:018 Unrecoverable error. System destroyed.
WindowError:019 User error. It's not our fault. Is not! Is not!
WindowError:01A Operating system overwritten. Terribly sorry.
WindowError:01B Illegal error. Do not get this error.
WindowError:01C Uncertainty error. Uncertainty may be inadequate.
WindowError:01D Unable to figure out our own code. System crashed.
WindowError:01E Timing error. Please wait. And wait. And wait.
WindowError:01F Reserved for future mistakes
WindowError:020 Error recording error codes. Remaining errors lost.
  • Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.
  • Bugs come in through open Windows.
  • Dogs crawl under gates, software crawls under Windows!
  • Scanning for Viruses...Windows Found! Please Remove.
  • DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something...
  • Double your drive space! Delete Windows!
  • Friends don't let friends use Windows.
  • Have you crashed your Windows today?
  • He who laughs last uses DOS.
  • How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder!
  • I don't do Windows, but DOS does.
  • I love running Windows! NOT!
  • I smashed a Window and saw... *DOS*
  • I use DOS and I don't care who knows!
  • If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft.
  • If Windows sucked it would be good for something.
  • If you want it done right, forget Microsoft.
  • MASOCHIST: Windows SDK programmer with a smile!
  • My best view from a Window was through OS/2.
  • One man's Windows are another man's walls.
  • DOS: Logic, not magic.
  • DOS: Your brain. Windows: Your brain on drugs.
  • The best way to accelerate Windows is at escape velocity.
  • The sad thing about Windows bashing is it's all true.
  • Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:/>
  • Walk through doors, don't crawl through Windows.
  • What I like about MS is its loyalty to customers!
  • What's so great that people are switching to Windows?
  • What?!? DOSSHELL *isn't* supposed to be a joke?
  • Windows 3.1 - The Best $89 Solitaire Game You can Buy!
  • Windows = Training wheels for OS/2!
  • Windows = Turn a 386/25 into a 4.77 Mhz XT
  • Windows is a pane
  • Windows is great if you can make it work.
  • Windows is to DOS what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
  • Windows isn't crippleware: it's "Fuctionally Challenged"
  • Windows NT: From the makers of Windows 3.0!
  • Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared.
  • Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so...
  • Windows NT? Want to run it? Check IEEE Spectrum "TERAFLOPS GALORE."
  • Windows: A View to be Killed.
  • Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error!
  • Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN!
  • Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
  • Windows: The CP/M of the future!
  • Windows? WINDOWS?!? Hahahahahehehehehohohoho...